Currently Playing The Battle of Los Angeles By Rage Against the Machine see related

- Sleep now in the fire

http://www.livejournal.com/users/abstractedd/ ®

Memories consume/ Like opening tha wound/ I'm picking me apart again/ You all assume Im safe here in my room/ Unless I try to start again/ I dont want to be tha one tha battles always choose/ Cuz inside I realize that I'm tha one confused/ I dont kno whats worth fighting for or why I have to scream/ I dont kno why i instigate and say what I dont mean/ I dont kno how I got this way/ I kno its not alright/ So Im breaking tha habit tonite..

-Linkin Park

So yeah its been a week or so.  Christmas was koo, diffrent but koo.  I spent it at my dad's house, but went to my Aunts tha next day.  I didnt want to leave at all.. But at least I got to see everyone.. My grandpa was in Ireland so it was diffrent without him there watchin tv.  It was weird not havin Christmas with my immediate fam  but I can't complain.  I got a grip of cash, but I decided to save almost all of it- for sum stuff over tha summer.  I'm glad I got to go to Jillians house too! We had madd fun n I met Mary..whew.  What else.. Hmm my last entry was kinda depressing.. like most of them.. I'm still upset about Encounter Leadership.. but I cant get everything I want.  It jus kinda sux  putting so much of my heart into that app then basically being ignored.  Wasn't meant to be tho, and I can accept that, although it is still upsetting to me after this break.. Hmm Iono. 

So Christmas to me is also a time to give thanks.  This year Christmas was really different for me.. I didn't ask for all that I usually ask for, but I received.  Tha material shyt really didn't get to me.. Cept tha thought of what I got from my dad.. Jus tha principle of it.. Neways.. I kept gettin those warm corny feelings when I was visiting people.  You never realize how much you will miss ur fam n friends till u cant see em like u used to.  I was almost in tears leaving my aunts house.. But thanks to my front it wasn't obvious.  I don't like ppl seein me cry. I was just thinking about everything thas changed this year.. And how I didnt include people a lot in my life.. But thas gonna change.  I cant keep venting in my writing.. I gotta talk to tha people that matter..

Perhaps I was addicted to tha dark side...

Tha hard times make a true friend afraid to ask/ For currency/ But you can run to me when you need me/ I'll never leave/ I jus need someone to believe in/ As you can see...

It appears that I've been marked for death/ My heartless breath...

Kinda topsy turvey/ You win some, you lose some

I dont even kno.. Im madd upset.. I'm blamin it on tha son of tha mornin.. THANKS AGAIN...

...Somewhere inside my childhood witnessed my heart die

I kno you hate to here tha drama, but drama's all we kno/ We laugh with tha rich kats, when they leave we switch back/ Somebody ask "yo how he get that, wit his b!tch ass?"/ Comin thru on tha humble, jus to chit chat...I'm tired of it/Said a kat whose name Ima leave anonymous/ Cuz she might take it as sum kinda diss/

And they look at me like I'm on tha outside lookin in/ Like "who's you?" when I cruise thru/ I call shorty, took him in, watch your friends, get ends/ Be clever, realize todays the first day that begins forever...

-Nas, "Calm Down", "Nothing lasts forever"

Thinkin about sum shyt.. Its funny.. I used to think it was my fault.. But after analyzing everything I really wasn't in tha wrong.  Erbody needs to start watchin their "friends" from the start.  Bein new and all I was vulnerable.. But naw it aint happenin again.  When people talk shyt and think you have no idea whats goin on, they get a bite in tha ass when retaliation occurs.  But this time, 2 wrongs dont make a right.  So jus kno whut yall did, and learn from it.  Think before you speak.  Learn before you teach. Real recognize real "homie".  PS. Aint nobody act a certain way to get attention.